JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

I wasn’t as freaked-out as I thought I would be. Last month, I rode in a driverless car. The owner programed it and took his hands off the wheel. The car took off unassisted, turned corners by itself, stopped at traffic lights, dodged parked vehicles, and even stopped for pedestrians.

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Barney CargileComment
99 CHOICES

It sounded so simple. My daughter asked me to grab some oat milk at the store. There I stood, staring at the dairy case. Calling out to me were ninety-nine different types of milk. (Yes, I counted them). Just considering oat milk, there was full-fat, non-fat, and low-fat. Each type offered a sweetened and unsweetened variety, not to mention organic and non-organic. Twelve different varieties—

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Barney CargileComment
HIGH CRIME IN MAYBERRY

Imagine living in a town where the local paper reports crimes such as these: A bird was stuck in some wiring, which officers freed in twelve minutes. Police and fire department responded to a call about a dishwasher with smoke billowing from it. Turned out to be steam. A driver created an unsafe situation by driving without their headlights illuminated.

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Barney CargileComment
THE BEST WAY TO KILL ZOMBIES

It began as a harmless discussion between my two oldest grandsons, who were teens: “What’s the best way to kill zombies?” A chainsaw? A bat with nails? An AR-15? Their debate quickly escalated into a verbal Gettysburg. They locked onto their opinions like … well, zombies on meat, and it was game on.

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Barney CargileComment
GOD, GOLF, AND JET PLANES

Mathieu Boya was practicing his golf swing in a pasture adjacent to Benin Air Base in Africa. With one swing of his club, Boya set off a string of events that destroyed his country’s entire air force. Described as an “inglorious slice” the ball hit a low-flying seagull, which fell into the open cockpit of a jet, as it was taxiing for takeoff. Losing control of the plane, the pilot plowed into four Phantom III fighters, which demolished the entire air force of Benin.

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Barney CargileComment
I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER FORGETTING IT

After being bitten by a dog, a man learned he had rabies. He immediately began making a list. His doctor informed him he had no need to make out a will; that rabies was curable. “I’m not writing a will,” he replied. “I’m making a list of people I want to bite.”

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Barney Cargile Comment
TOO BIZARRE TO IMAGINE

In 1919 a massive wave of molasses swept through Boston, killing 21 people and injuring 150 others. In the “dancing plague” of 1518, dozens of residents of Strasbourg, France danced uncontrollably for days. Many collapsed from exhaustion or died. In 897 a deceased pope was put on trial where his corpse was propped up in court. Bizarre events. But they pale in comparison to three simple words.

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Barney CargileComment